I am currently in a Klonopin haze after having a slight freak out this morning, so this may be incoherent.
Last night there was a huge ice storm where I live. People are literally ice skating in the street. I am taking the day to sit in silence and watch Big Little Lies, a year or two too late.
Christmas was, well, ok I guess. I got a lot of Amazon money, but my gift from the name drawing with my family hasn’t shown up yet. I’m pretty sure it’s an alarm clock that mimics sunrise, though. Sunrise is something we don’t have in Minnesota this time of year.
Everyone seemed to have a good time. I ate and pushed down the urge to scream. I hate the unnecessary pressure, the expectations to prove your love with thoughtfulness and money, the darkness, and the forced joy. I could do without the whole holiday season. Why does Thanksgiving have to be so close to Christmas? Why is New Year’s January 1st? It could be any time of year!
I haven’t had a drink in two years. Not because I’m an alcoholic, but because I get depressed when I’m hungover (I call it a shameover), and because it doesn’t mix well with my medication. But this year I’ve decided to be what I used to call an Amateur and drink champagne to the point of ridiculousness on NYE. I’m looking forward to it. And the subsequent day of rest, and then normalcy. Although normalcy in MN means dropping temperatures and 4 months stuck indoors.
My favorite artist is Edvard Munch. His paintings express things I can’t and his art changes with the seasons. Norway and MN have a lot in common. Summer is the only habitable time, for one. Also both are filled with gray haired Scandinavians with RBF, and sensible cars.
Anyway, I feel the emptiness that comes after days and days of sensory overload and I just want to lay down and watch reruns of the Office. So, today I will. And then maybe join the land of the living when the ice melts.
Happy Holidays, one and all.
Bipolar Bajillionaire 