I am currently in a Klonopin haze after having a slight freak out this morning, so this may be incoherent. Last night there was a huge ice storm where I live. People are literally ice skating in the street. I am taking the day to sit in silence and watch Big Little Lies, a yearContinue reading “Oh the Weather Outside is…Weather”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Don’t Call it a Comeback
Things have been hectic so I’m just going to do a brain dump. I started this blog in a manic state and now I’m having trouble even looking at it. I’m so mad at myself for the things I did while manic, and humiliated that I have to deal with this. My doctor prescribed 10mgContinue reading “Don’t Call it a Comeback”
Unwanted Advice
During my recent manic episode my husband was so kind as to tell me I’m not bipolar, I just have really bad PMS. This made me feel both terrible and totally invalidated in a matter of seconds. But, it made me think about the things people have told me over the years about my mentalContinue reading “Unwanted Advice”
Oops I Did it Again
I was wrong. Pretty much about everything I’ve written here. Maybe everything I’ve ever written. Or thought. Or said. No mixed state for me. No reduction in Abilify. Instead, I got a full on manic episode and didn’t sleep for 4-5 days that I don’t remember very well. I do know that in those 4Continue reading “Oops I Did it Again”
Insomnia
I haven’t slept in two days and I’m currently not tired. Time is not real when you’re not sleeping. It could be today, it could be yesterday, it could be 5 am. How would I know? All day I was crying. I guess a more accurate description is that all day water was coming outContinue reading “Insomnia”
Inside Out
I can’t sleep so I thought I would post some photos that remind me of being an undiagnosed, miserable human being who desperately needed help. And yet, I could put on a brave face and no one knew. Here I am in Rome. I loved those jeans. That’s about all I loved. I didn’t wantContinue reading “Inside Out”
Nicotine
I quit smoking yesterday. Smoking has been a crutch of mine since I was 16. I always knew I would smoke, and after my first one that knowledge was solidified. And I’m good at it. I can blow smoke rings. I look like a pro. I come from a long line of smokers and believeContinue reading “Nicotine”
Art Therapy
One thing I like to do to make life a little more tolerable is crafts. I’ve got heaps of crafty crap in my house. But it helps me forget my problems and makes my mind go blank. Like coloring. So here are a few of my favorite creations. I need a new project.
Pills Pills Pills Every Day of the Week
My regular dinner a few years back. I’m thinking of switching my meds. I’ve been mostly stable for about 6 years, since I went to McLean hospital in Boston and they got my meds right for the first time. But I feel like things aren’t working anymore. As I said before I can’t read orContinue reading “Pills Pills Pills Every Day of the Week”
Reading
I have a degree in English. I know, I know, that’s why I’m unemployed. Reading used to be my life. I read everything. I love Haruki Murakami and Richard Yates more than I love myself. But lately, because of Abilify I believe, I can’t read. It’s like a mental block. My mind wanders, the wordsContinue reading “Reading”
Bipolar Bajillionaire 