I am currently in a Klonopin haze after having a slight freak out this morning, so this may be incoherent. Last night there was a huge ice storm where I live. People are literally ice skating in the street. I am taking the day to sit in silence and watch Big Little Lies, a yearContinue reading “Oh the Weather Outside is…Weather”
Tag Archives: bipolar
Don’t Call it a Comeback
Things have been hectic so I’m just going to do a brain dump. I started this blog in a manic state and now I’m having trouble even looking at it. I’m so mad at myself for the things I did while manic, and humiliated that I have to deal with this. My doctor prescribed 10mgContinue reading “Don’t Call it a Comeback”
Unwanted Advice
During my recent manic episode my husband was so kind as to tell me I’m not bipolar, I just have really bad PMS. This made me feel both terrible and totally invalidated in a matter of seconds. But, it made me think about the things people have told me over the years about my mentalContinue reading “Unwanted Advice”
Oops I Did it Again
I was wrong. Pretty much about everything I’ve written here. Maybe everything I’ve ever written. Or thought. Or said. No mixed state for me. No reduction in Abilify. Instead, I got a full on manic episode and didn’t sleep for 4-5 days that I don’t remember very well. I do know that in those 4Continue reading “Oops I Did it Again”
Insomnia
I haven’t slept in two days and I’m currently not tired. Time is not real when you’re not sleeping. It could be today, it could be yesterday, it could be 5 am. How would I know? All day I was crying. I guess a more accurate description is that all day water was coming outContinue reading “Insomnia”
Inside Out
I can’t sleep so I thought I would post some photos that remind me of being an undiagnosed, miserable human being who desperately needed help. And yet, I could put on a brave face and no one knew. Here I am in Rome. I loved those jeans. That’s about all I loved. I didn’t wantContinue reading “Inside Out”
Nicotine
I quit smoking yesterday. Smoking has been a crutch of mine since I was 16. I always knew I would smoke, and after my first one that knowledge was solidified. And I’m good at it. I can blow smoke rings. I look like a pro. I come from a long line of smokers and believeContinue reading “Nicotine”
Pills Pills Pills Every Day of the Week
My regular dinner a few years back. I’m thinking of switching my meds. I’ve been mostly stable for about 6 years, since I went to McLean hospital in Boston and they got my meds right for the first time. But I feel like things aren’t working anymore. As I said before I can’t read orContinue reading “Pills Pills Pills Every Day of the Week”
Reading
I have a degree in English. I know, I know, that’s why I’m unemployed. Reading used to be my life. I read everything. I love Haruki Murakami and Richard Yates more than I love myself. But lately, because of Abilify I believe, I can’t read. It’s like a mental block. My mind wanders, the wordsContinue reading “Reading”
DEALS! DEALS!
It’s black Friday. I am full and feeling gross. I, once again, did not control myself at dinner yesterday. Self control is something I don’t have. I smoke a pack a day, eat like a monster, and used to obsessively drink. I only quit drinking because the anxiety I felt when hungover made me borderlineContinue reading “DEALS! DEALS!”
Bipolar Bajillionaire 